Hush, Little Baby
by Kara
Summary: Jondy was pregnant with Zack's baby once. What if her baby had lived? Takes place around ETIPA.


Hush, Little Baby

By Kara (anyalindir@aol.com)  
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue. Cameron, Eglee, and Fox, this means you.  
Rating: PG-13 (language)  
Spoilers: Through second season, kind of  
A/N: Takes place somewhere between Chapter 7 and the epilogue of Even Though It's Painful, Always. You'll see. I swear. If you don't get it, I'll explain it to you. *g*  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Zack stared down at Jondy, a darker than usual scowl on his face.

"Remember what the Watchers always said. One day your face is gonna freeze like that," Jondy remarked. "You look like a monkey." He didn't, really, but there was something primal about his stance…

She was worried, for a moment, that he would attack her. That's how it usually started. They fought verbally, they fought physically, and then they fucked. The same passion that drove her big brother to protect all of them drove him into her bed. Jondy loved to irritate him. It was something he seemed to only let her do. She was the only one who fought him tooth and nail, even back in the barracks. 

"You should've told me," he muttered between gritted teeth. His stubborn chin jutted out like it always did when he was mad, his blue eyes burning.

"I did tell you," she snapped. "It wasn't my fault it took you so long to answer my page."

She usually didn't think anything of it when Zack disappeared for months. He had others to visit after all. And Jondy knew how difficult Tawny could be sometimes.

But seven months had passed since she saw him for that one brief night. And this time, he'd let six weeks slip before answering her page. "You didn't call. Never explained why we had to pick up and move again. You just let that fucking cable hack tell us we'd been compromised." She aimed a careful kick at him, but Zack easily dodged the blow. "You've seen my excuse, Zack. What's yours?"

He turned and neatly punched the wall. Jondy wondered if he realized that, even in anger, he performed the pattern of their morning kata exercises from Manticore. Luckily, the walls of this place were cinderblock. He wouldn't punch a hole in plaster like he did in San Francisco.

"Manticore got me, okay?" He stood with his back to her, shoulders slumped. "After I bailed, Lydecker bugged me and figured out where you were. So you had to leave." He turned to face her again, reaching out to touch her cheek. His eyes were red.

"Why--" She looked down at her excuse, afraid of what she might see in Zack's eyes. "Manticore--" He didn't have a Pulse this time to get him out. And she knew how much he sacrificed that night, letting himself get captured to ensure their freedom.

Zack knelt beside her, eyes on the bundle she held in her lap. "I was making the rounds to make sure everyone was okay. Tinga needed help getting over the border, so--"

"You made Tinga leave Case." Jondy reached out, hand around his throat, forcing Zack to look up at her. "You made Tinga leave her son behind?"

Zack jerked back from her, his eyes angry again. "He's a liability that will only slow her down. Tinga made herself vulnerable, and now she'll pay the price." He gave the bundle a dirty look. "Who's the father?"

Bastard. Fucking bastard. Her arms tightened, and the bundle in her lap squawked. Jondy automatically rocked her excuse, watching as his long-lashed eyelids fluttered shut again. Her excuse was only six weeks old, but she could still see traces of his father in his face. His chin already had a stubborn look to it, and he was beginning to show the same single-minded intensity that Zack did, especially when he was hungry.

"You are."

It was worth it, almost, to see the look on Zack's face. Jondy felt a little guilty as she watched shock and horror fight for control in his eyes. She was feeling angry and it helped a little bit to make someone else feel the same way. Zack's mouth opened and shut a few times as he looked back and forth between her and the baby. The horror faded, leaving his face more vulnerable than she'd seen it in years. He reached out with a cautious finger, touching the baby's round cheek.

"Mine?" Zack stared at their son with the same scrutiny that he gave Jondy the first time he saw her. It was as if he was trying to figure out exactly what place this excuse played in his world. "You're sure…"

Jondy snorted. "Remember last May?" She couldn't forget it. Zack had an uncanny timing when it came to passing through whenever she was in heat. Either that, or his presence triggered it somehow. It might be the old connection they had, from that day they shared blood when they were small. But the thought of Max never made her horny the way Zack did.

From the blush on his face, it looked like Zack remembered the day in as vivid detail. "So it's…"

"He," she corrected, touching her son's face again. Their son's face. "He."

"You named him?" Zack reached out again to touch his son's fuzzy blond head.

"I could've called him by a number and let him name himself when he got old enough." She could still remember being a number. Part of her was still X-5210, and probably always would be. "I thought about Zack, and Max."

"Donald?" Zack smirked as Jondy glared at him. His face darkened again. "The Colonel would shit a brick if he knew this kid existed. I'm waiting for the day when he starts closing in on Case. You know that, Jondy. It's dangerous to keep him. It was dangerous to have him."

Jondy held her sleeping son up, the light from the dirty window turning his fine blond hair into a halo. "His name is Gabriel."

"The archangel who brought the message of Jesus' birth to Mary." Zack sank back on his heels. His blue eyes met hers. "God's strength." 

Gabriel opened his eyes and yawned. Even at six weeks, his eyes were the same blue-gray as his father's. "Lex said once that it was only fitting that the highest angel should come to announce the greatest of all messages." Jondy took her son's small hand in hers. It still amazed her that Gabe was born with ten fingers and ten toes and no sign of a bar code on the back of his neck. 

"Father Alexander," Zack corrected with a slight smile. "What's the kid's message then?" He reached out a hand, and Gabriel immediately latched on to his finger. Her son's hand looked even smaller, engulfed by Zack's. Zack's hands had to be large and capable, for all the lives he watched over.

"That I'm human. That I'm normal. That there's a part of me that doesn't have to kill. That I can love."

Zack dropped his eyes. "Family isn't an option," he muttered to the floor. "Not for us." He gently pulled his finger away from the baby's and started to pace. "We can't, Jondy. You know that. You know we can't. Just like Max--" He stopped. She could almost hear him mentally berating himself for being so careless. Zack knew better. He'd known better in the past. She always weasled some information out of him, but never all of it. And if he'd seen Max…

"Where is she?" It surprised her, that her voice was so quiet. She spent most of her life yelling at Zack, fighting him because she could, because it made her feel special. Because she knew that as long as they fought and as long as he thought she couldn't take care of herself, he'd have an excuse to come back. And if he kept coming back, he might give in and love her one day. If they lived that long.

Zack's face grew stubborn again. His brows furrowed and his face scrunched up in a way that always drove her mad. She could feel her muscles tensing up in defense. With a sigh, she laid Gabriel in his box and prepared herself for the worst.

"Where's my sister?" Jondy repeated, careful to keep her voice calm. "Tell me, Zack."

He shook his head. "You'll compromise her position. And she's already in enough shit as is." His Big Brother look was replaced by his C.O. look. "You've already caused enough trouble, soldier."

"I'm not your soldier anymore." Jondy's hands tightened into fists as she stood. She circled around Zack, careful to keep her eyes on him as he paced inside her orbit. It was lucky that she didn't have much furniture. Zack kicked through a chair in Cambria. He broke two mugs in San Francisco.

"Then this is your big brother telling you to back off, little sister. Max is in enough danger. She doesn't need to drag you into her shit." His eyes never left her fists. "Her and fucking Miracle Boy can take care of each other just fine."

"Jealous that Maxie put some guy ahead of her big brother?" Jondy challenged. She charged in, aiming her shoulder at his stomach. Zack dodged out of the way, hitting her in the back as she rushed by. She bit her lip, stifling a groan. When Zack was mad, he never softened his blows like he did when they were sparring.

"If Max listened half of the time, she would be in so much trouble all the time. You two are exactly the same. You always have to do it your own way. You always forget the objective." He slugged her in the back again, catching her in the left kidney. 

Jondy winced. She shouldered him again, this time flipping him over her back to the ground. She jumped on his chest, hitting him in the face. "The only objective is to stay alive. Sorry if I want more from life than being a moving target."

Zack rolled over on top of her, banging her head against the carpeted floor. The world darkened for a minute. His arm wrapped around her neck, holding her in a head-lock. "You'll always be a target. It's what you were made to be. A baby's just gonna slow you down. Don't expect me to bust your ass out when Manticore gets you both."

She elbowed him in the gut, wriggling her way out of his arms. "I'll just call Max. She wouldn't let me down." It was enough that Jondy left her that night, under the ice. She'd never forgive herself for that.

He grabbed at her arms before she could get away. His blue eyes darkened with some strong emotion, so Jondy knew she'd struck a low blow. "Stay away from her, baby sister. You know what they'd do to you and the baby. Please don't try and find Maxie now." For the first time in a long time, Zack actually looked scared.

"Zack…" She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight. His face scrunched up the same way Gabriel's did before her son cried. Zack collapsed on top of her, burying his face in her shoulder. She rubbed the back of his neck, her thumb pressing into his barcode. That usually worked to calm her siblings. It even worked on Gabriel. "Shhh, Zack." Jondy sat up, pulling him half into her lap. She rocked him back and forth, humming softly.

His body shook as he cried himself out. The last time she saw him cry this hard was after he found Puck. He felt bad enough for everyone they had to leave behind, but somehow they'd all forgotten about Puck. And when she'd turned up in '13 tailing Tawny and Syl… No one could save her from herself at that point. She knew that Zack hoped Ben wouldn't follow down the same path. Big Brother Ben had never really been right after the Blue Lady let Manticore take Jack away…

"It's okay, Zack… It's okay…" She hummed again, something she remembered one of the Watchers singing to her when she was still in the crib. After a while, his shaking stopped, and he looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes.

"Thanks." He was probably in bad shape to actually allow himself to say that much. Conversation was never Zack's strong point. He always failed at their communication classes. And he couldn't tell a lie to save his life. Zack was one of the few of their siblings who wore every emotion on his face. Max was the other one.

He leaned against her for a while, and she continued to run her fingers through his blond hair. It was longer again. It'd probably been a while since he got his barcode removed. She hadn't had hers done since before Gabriel was born. She was one of the few that got it done regularly, if only to give Zack a way to track her down. She didn't need to tell him that though.

When Zack turned his face up towards her again, he kissed her gently. "I'm sorry." He didn't say what he was sorry for, but Jondy knew. It wasn't entirely his fault that he couldn't give her what she wanted. Maybe if they didn't have the Manticore seal of approval stamped into the backs of their necks. Maybe if the Colonel hadn't planned Max to be Zack's partner since before they were all born. Maybe…

"I'm not in heat, but if you need…" Jondy trailed off, not really knowing how to ask. The first time she offered Zack this kind of comfort was after Puck, and it ended with their usual screaming argument. They fought, they fucked, and he swore he'd never come back. But he always did. And she always let him in.

This time, Zack didn't say a word as he led her towards the mattress in the corner. She knew, and he knew that she knew, and sometimes, that was enough.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jondy was surprised when a wail woke her up. Zack was snoring beside her, his head pillowed against her shoulder and one arm clamped firmly around her stomach. Usually she didn't sleep after sex, unless she was in heat. But this wasn't ordinary sex. Emotions were involved this time, and that was always a dangerous thing. As Gabriel's wail increased a decibel, Jondy wriggled her way out from under Zack. That woke him when the baby's crying didn't. He blinked his eyes at her sleepily as she brought the baby back to bed.

"Wha's wrong with him?" Zack sat up as she slipped back in bed beside him, Gabriel cradled against her chest. He wrinkled his nose as he sniffed the air. "Thank god he's not dirty. I don't change diapers." He peered down at the baby as Gabriel wriggled in her arms. His eyes widened as the baby immediately latched on to her breast, eyes still closed. "That thing's got good radar. I think the X-7s were built with sonar or some kind of echo-location. Maybe--"

"Or he's just a hungry baby, and he knows where the chow is." At six weeks old, her son didn't seem like too much of a prodigy yet. His grip was strong, and he was alert, but he still spent most of his time sleeping, eating, and crying. But there was a part of her that couldn't wait to see what he was like when he grew up. She finally had a family that Manticore had no part in.

Even though her eyes were still on Gabriel as he nursed, Jondy could feel Zack watching her. "You've seen Tinga do this. And it's not like you've never seen me naked before, Zack. We showered together until I was nine."

A hand entered her field of vision, touching their son's fuzzy head. "Case is Tinga's baby. This one's yours. And I've never…" Jondy looked up and saw a puzzled look on Zack's face. "He's mine." His fingers traced Gabriel's eyebrows and already stubborn jaw. "I guess he kinda looks like me." There was still doubt in his voice. "Jondy…"

She looked up at Zack, her blue eyes meeting his. "I know we can't. I know I can't think about marriage or a family or another one. But I can't leave him with some random person. What if Manticore found him? What if he gets seizures the same way we did, and he dies because no one figures out that he needs Tryptophan? And he's my baby." He's our baby. But she didn't want to push that subject.

Zack settled an arm around her shoulders as he watched her and their son in silence. It felt odd, like they were playing house. Zack was never really quiet. If he wasn't yelling, then he was lecturing, and if he wasn't lecturing, then he was pacing. He even slept restlessly. Jondy and Max used to watch him at night, sometimes, trying to figure out why he twitched so much in his sleep. Jondy knew that Syl still had screaming nightmares from Manticore. Maybe their biggest brother was haunted by the same nighttime nomalies--or by the ones he couldn't save from those nomalies...

"What's Max like now?" She'd seen most of her other fellow escapees. Max was always the one she wondered most about. She never wondered what job her baby sister might have. It was always a question of if Max had made it out alive after falling through the ice. The few nights she did sleep, she was haunted by that sight, always reaching out for a little sister who fell too fast to take her hand.

"She's beautiful. All of you grew up beautiful." Looking up, Jondy noticed a distant look on Zack's face. "She hasn't changed at all. Still reckless. Still won't listen to anybody. Still clinging to that whacked family shit, just like you." Zack's face fell into its usual scowl. "She managed to get Lydecker's attention. It's not safe, but she won't listen."

"Manticore didn't give us anything else. Do you blame us for clinging?" Gabriel's eyelids fluttered as he fell back to sleep. "We're family," she said softly. "If Maxie's clinging to you, it's because you were all we ever had. The Colonel didn't give a shit about us. They made us to cling together. We're not breaking training. We're following orders." It was almost enough, knowing that her baby sister made it out alive, and that she was surviving out in the world. Zack would bitch and moan, but eventually, he would let Max live life her own way, because of who she was and the fact that there was no way of stopping her. And because Zack loved her. "Is she happy?"

Zack was quiet for a long time. "She won't leave. It's dangerous, but she keeps clinging to her boyfriend. He's in a fucking wheelchair, and he'll only slow her down…" So that was the issue. Jealousy. He'd always been fixated with Maxie, even when they were small. Jondy guessed she was lucky, coming in a close second, if only because Max loved her best of all. And anything Max loved automatically came under Zack's protection, as long as that person wasn't a potential rival.

"You love her." The look Zack gave her was startled. Maybe it was the matter-of-fact way she said it. Or maybe it was just the fact that he never thought anyone else would guess. His arm tightened around her, as if he was trying to make up for everything he could never be to her. "Even the Colonel knew, Zack." Jondy looked down at their son again. Zack's free hand stroked Gabe's small, fuzzy head gently. She had a brief memory of him doing that to her when she was small--still small enough for the cribs. "It's okay, Zack. It's not like I didn't know." It hurt. It would probably hurt more in a few hours, when everything actually sunk in, but it wasn't like she'd never suspected. It wasn't like any of them hadn't seen the looks Zack used to give Max, even before they had names.

"Jondy, I--" He tried to draw her close, but she slipped easily out of his grip. Moving quickly across the floor, she laid Gabriel in his box again. When she turned around again, Zack had that apologetic look on his face, the same one he gave Tawny after the Colonel took away Jack. The same one she saw on his face every time he came to visit, and he never had news of Max. It was a guilty look, a young look. One that made her realize years before that Big Brother wasn't as strong and solid as everyone liked to think.

_CO's have to be strong, _the Colonel's voice echoed in her head. _You are the heart and strength of your squadron, 599. It's your duty to watch out for them, and make sure they come back. It's your duty. Emotion is a weakness, soldier. Always remember to control your emotions and keep them in check. You're a squadron, a family, and if you ever let those emotions get out of control, it will jeopardize everything_.

"Zack." Max named him, all those years ago. Max was the Colonel's favorite. Jondy would never forget the sight of Lydecker sitting at Max's bedside in the infirmary, clutching her little sister's hand, his eyes almost as bright and feverish as Maxie's. She saw that same light in Zack's eyes sometimes--every time Max got the shakes when they were small, when Max fell down in a feverish fit after their vaccines when they were eight. "It's okay, Zack." And she let herself be gathered against Zack's chest again, resting against his heart as she had countless times.

"I love you, Jondy. You know that. I do." His voice was almost desperate, as if he had to make her understand. 

Jondy leaned up, kissing his neck lightly. "I know, Zack," she repeated. "It's okay." The birth of Gabriel didn't exactly help matters, but Jondy knew that Zack would try his hardest to be whatever father he could to their son, just as he'd always watched out for their family before. "I know we won't settle down in a house somewhere with one of those white stick fences. I know we won't have what Tinga has. We can't."

Zack's arms tightened around her as he rearranged their bodies on the mattress. "I'll do what I can, Jondy. I'll always look out for you. Always."

Maybe someday he'd step to the real about how he felt about Max. Or maybe he really did love her, in spite of the Colonel ingraining it in Zack from the time Max was born. Jondy just had to wait and see what the future would hold--and get sleep while she could, because even if Gabe was Zack's son, he was still her son too, and there was no telling how much shark DNA the baby inherited.

  


She woke with a start. Someone had kicked the covers off in the middle of the night, except that the clock on the nightstand only read 10 pm. Jondy never fell asleep this early. Especially not since Gabe woke up every--

The body next to her squirmed slightly, rolling over so that her body was no longer trapped under an out-flung arm. The arm wasn't Zack's though. It was Max's.

"Jondy?" The door opened. She blinked, letting her eyes adjust to the light that flooded in from the hallway. A figure in a wheelchair rolled into the bedroom, and Jondy realized where she was. The figure in the wheelchair was followed by a taller figure who still slunk in the shadows, even four years after being in the Outside world. Looked like the mission was a success. And because her brother-in-law was back in the wheelchair, it probably meant the exoskeleton got shot up again.

The light illuminated the figure next to her. Max's tank top had rucked up in sleep, exposing her belly. Light played off the golden-brown skin, emphasizing how far into pregnancy her sister was. Eight months. One more month until her niece or nephew arrived in the world. Eight months. Four months longer than Jondy carried her son.

Max's eyes opened, and she blinked drowsily as she struggled to sit up. Jondy automatically put an arm around her sister, supporting her back. Max's body shifted, leaning into her own slight frame, as much a habit as breathing. "You're home." Though she still automatically leaned into Jondy, Max only had eyes for Logan. Over Logan's shoulder, Jondy saw Alec visibly flinch. Looks like she wasn't the only one reminded of the past when the lovebirds got their groove thing on.

Jondy watched as Logan gave Max the soft smile that was reserved only for her. He wheeled his way over to the bed and held out his arms. "Your chariot awaits, milady."

Even eight months pregnant, her baby sister was still graceful. Dressed in Logan's old pajama pants and a faded tank top, Max looked more beautiful than Jondy had ever seen her. For that moment, Jondy let herself think about what she might've looked like, falling into Zack's arms to be carried off to bed. She let herself remember that snatch of dream, cradling their son in her arms, and wished that she was the one in the arms of her prince. 

"So you got Takana and the rest of the yakuza?" Max yawned as she curled up against Logan's chest. "Still mad at you for not taking me."

"It's not like you could maneuver in tight places, Maxie," Alec reminded her with a slight grin. "The bad boys went down, and you can join in the fun next time. Just another month or so." That guarded look left his blue eyes, and for a moment, the other X-5 actually looked…wistful. "Mind if I crash here tonight, Logan? All I need is another sector cop on my ass, after the last time."

Logan looked up, a blank look on his face. Jondy tried to ignore the hand that stroked the bulge of her sister's stomach. "Um, yeah, sure. If you want the couch, you can--"

Jondy untangled herself from the sheets and hastily straightened the pillows. "He can take my bed. I'll go crash with little Max, so he doesn't come crawl in with you guys at 3 am." Alec began to protest, but she just shook her head. "It's cool. I probably won't sleep much more tonight anyway." She grinned. "All that shark DNA."

"Night, big sister." Max leaned toward Jondy, twisting so that she could hug her sister without her belly getting in the way. Even though she didn't like her sister for the moment, Jondy still hugged Max as hard as she always did, knowing how lucky she was to have her sister for just one more day. She'd already lost too many people that she loved. "Love you." "Love you too, Maxie." Those were words they never needed before, words Zack never said. But somehow, Jondy knew that he did love her as best he could. And sometimes, that was enough.

Logan wheeled the two of them out of the room, and Jondy watched as Alec settled on the bed. "Fight with Asha?"

Alec shook his head as he took off his black shirt. "Her brother's sick, so she headed to San Fran for a while. Besides, it's just sex." Alec tried to give her his usual confident smirk, but Jondy didn't buy it. She'd known Tawny for too long to be fooled by any of Alec's moods. And Alec was, at heart, just like her brother. "Where's Jor?"

She made a face. "To quote Maxie, we're not like that. We're just friends and shit." There had been that one night two months ago, but neither of them had said anything about it since then. Jordan got that look in his eyes, but he hadn't ask for a repeat performance. Yet, that annoying part of her brain pointed out. Her next heat was due soon. "We don't even date. Besides, I dunno where he's been. I already know he's done Tawny, and Tawny's been with everything with two legs." 

Not that monogamy or celibacy was exactly an X-5 trait. Tinga was married for five years, and Maxie and Logan tortured themselves with abstinence for far too long, but they were the exceptions to the rule. Sex was something that they were driven to do--all that animal DNA screwing with their hormonal system and primal urges. But Jondy dealt with it. It was part of who she was, as much as she hated herself and Manticore.

"Jordan asked you, didn't he?" For some reason, Alec spent a lot of time with Jordan Cale when he was in town. They were a lot alike. With Tawny, they made a dangerously incorrigible threesome. But Jondy knew they all had good hearts. It wasn't entirely Jordan's fault that he was a spoiled rich boy. And Tawny and Alec both had issues they were dealing with. Rachel kept coming between Asha and Alec. And Tawny would never forgive himself for letting Lydecker take Jack. Even now, it was hard to look at Jordan's blue eyes and not see another pair that she loved. Jordan had grown a lot since they brought little Max back from Mexico. 

"Jordan's hinted that he wants a relationship. He's not getting it though." She curled up in the warm spot Max left. 

"Because of Zack?" Alec's dark cargo pants joined his shirt on the floor, and he slid under the covers. "I still don't get that shit. You and Maxie kept saying he was your brother, but the way he looked at her--" He trailed off, looking like he'd almost said too much. "I mean--the pictures that Renfro showed me at Manticore, and the fact that he shot himself for Max. It's just cause she's hot," he finished lamely. His usual smirk faltered. 

Jondy just shrugged. It wasn't something she could explain. It was just something that happened, the same way Syl and Krit did. "He was like me. He had the same memories, and he understood." It was convenience and comfort, like with Zane. But with Zane, it was still that brotherly kind of love. And with Zack… "Don't you hang around Max for the same reason? You weren't in our squadron, but you're still our brother. You know. You were there."

Alec just shook his head again as he yawned. "Sandoval never trained us like that. We weren't a unit, we were individuals who specialized in different types of assignments. It was lonely, but we didn't depend on anyone. None of this naming shit. We were content." His blue eyes closed, and Jondy noticed how long his eyelashes were. Like Gabriel's eyes had been--would have been. "You sure you don't wanna crash here?"

Sleeping alone usually didn't bother her. Sleep did, but sharing her bed with another person that wasn't a sibling usually meant relationship complications that she didn't need. It was different with Max, or with Zane, or any of her brothers and sisters. Manticore cots had been narrow, but they still managed to pile two to a cot sometimes when they were small. It took Jondy a long time to get used to sleeping alone in a room. Maybe that was why she didn't like sleeping so much--that, and dreams…

"Naw, I might try to hack into Logan's system again. Or finally read Little Women. Joshua keeps asking me about it every time Max and I go over there." She didn't know why, but she leaned over, kissing Alec's forehead. If anyone understood, it was him. "Night, Alec."

His face creased into a smile as he rolled over, hugging the pillow to his chest. "Night, little sister." The words were probably subconscious, but for a moment, he was big brother Ben. Another might have been. Another ghost.

Dawn found her pacing from Logan's office to the living room, pausing every now and then to stare out the windows at the remaining lights of Seattle. Charlie and Case were out there somewhere to the northeast, hiding out in Edmonton. Eri and his wife and baby were in Buffalo, one more broken family for an equally broken city. Baby Eva was almost three, but from what Maxie said, their only niece still wasn't developing right. Maybe it was best that her son hadn't been born. Jondy saw what Charlie went through, running from town to town with Case. They'd been in Edmonton for nearly a year now, but it was obvious that Charlie was getting tired. Sooner or later, Jondy knew Case would come to Max and Logan, just as Jace's son had.

"Tia Jondy?" The sound of the small voice startled her, though Jondy wasn't too surprised to see her youngest nephew peeking out from the hallway. He held Bear by one leg, dragging the stuffed animal on the floor behind him as he crossed into the living room. "You should sleep." The look on his face was stern, the same one Jace had worn whenever she tried to convince Jondy that she really did need sleep. It was easy enough to scoop the little boy up and cradle him in her arms. Her son would've been around little Max's age, but his eyes were blue instead of hazel, and his hair the same blond as Zack's…

"Song?" Her nephew wrapped his arms around her neck, Bear falling forgotten to the floor. It hurt a little when he snuggled down against her shoulder, because it only reminded her of that dream. The dream had felt so real, as real as the nightmares of Manticore. It might've happened, in another life, or maybe if she hadn't gone riding that weekend to the mountains. 

Without realizing it, Jondy began humming the same song she sang to Zack in her dream, a lullaby she almost remembered a Watcher singing to her when she was still in her crib. 

"Mama useta sing me that," Max said between yawns. His mouth trembled slightly. "I miss Mama."

"Me too, Maxie. Me too." But it wasn't really Jace that she missed. It was any of her brothers and sisters. It was that warmth and protection she felt whenever her family was around. Or maybe it was just that feeling from her dream, of being loved and protected. Someone loved her, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for that yet. 

Jondy kept humming, walking the same path between office and living room windows. Her nephew's breathing gradually slowed until she knew he was asleep. For a moment, she pretended his dark brown hair was a paler blond, and that instead of calling her Auntie, the little boy called her Mama. "Sleep, baby," she whispered, settling down in on the long couch. "Hush, little baby." A Watcher said that to her once. It sounded like something a mother might say to her son.

There were some endings that her story would never have. Circumstance or fate had screwed Jondy out of a fairy tale years ago. But that still didn't mean she couldn't pretend. Even if Zack had lived, even if Gabriel had lived, there was no guarantee of happily ever after. But the thought that in his own way, Zack had loved her…that and the weight of a sleeping little boy in her arms almost made it enough.

  
Somewhere in the middle of Idaho, a ranch-hand rolled over in his bed and woke up. For a moment, he was startled to find himself alone in bed. Someone had slept next to him, curled up with the reassurance and trust that happened after years of loving. He could almost smell the scent of her body on his sheets, something that reminded him of baby powder and flowery shampoo and the smell of milk. Adam rolled over again, burying his face in his pillow. Maybe he had loved someone once, in the life he couldn't remember. Or maybe it was another life all together. Dreams were never something he really remembered before. There was no point in letting this one bother him. So he let himself fall back to sleep, an old lullaby echoing in his head.


End file.
